As Superbad star and Oscar nominee Jonah Hill once said in one of his most criminally underrated performances: You don’t want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy.

You probably don’t want them to think you’re bad at eating it, either.

Problem is, for people who have never attempted performing oral sex on a woman before, the vagina is a mysterious and scary foldy cave, and on the first several attempts, cunnilingus is a terrifying spelunking journey into the unknown. Until now.

Meet the Lick app, a doodad for curious youths (or inexperienced non-youths) interested in practicing the fine art of snatchlicking before they’re actually face down between a woman’s legs. Look! Here’s a sort of uncomfortable-making screen shot!

Luckily (lickily!!! LOLOLOL god! Wordplay!) the app doesn’t force users to lovingly tonguebathe an uncanny valley image of a vagina, nor does it require users to download a darn thing.

Instead, smartphone owners visit the app’s website and participate in a series of exercises where they perform a series of tasks that require gentle but firm repetitive motion to complete — flicking a light switch, sharpening a pencil, or bouncing a beach ball around.

The “challenge” comes in trying to complete the most repetitions over a short period of time.

The “challenge” also comes from licking your damn phone screen and not catching one of the host of illnesses that could reside there.

Or, you know, not accidentally swallowing fecal particles, because if you’re practicing cunnilingus on a phone, you probably also take your phone into the bathroom. Stop that.

The pencil sharpening challenge, for example, requires players to make circles with their tongues that are way too large for the sort of localized activity necessary for sufficient clitoral stimulation.

It just teaches people how to quickly draw big circles around the part of the vag they should be licking.

I can’t complain about an app that promises to make people better at oral sex. Oral sex is pretty much the best. But I’m not sure Lick will teach anyone any valuable skills.

Read the complete article at Jezebel

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