The sexy truth: 1,000 women reveal what they want in bed.
Follow these sex tips from YourTango, and your lady will thank you.
Men try to figure it out, but many don’t get it. Does she want candles lit for romantic lighting, or candle wax dripped on her nipples? Does she want to be made love to softly with feeling, or f*cked from behind with mad passion?
YourTango asked 1,000 women what they really wanted from men in the bedroom. They got real. The got raw. And they got honest.
10. Undress her… slowly.
“I want to be slowly unwrapped and revealed, like a present.” — Debbie B.
“He needs to take his time with me until I can’t handle it. And I want to see him want me. It drives me crazy.” — Michelle S.
Too often, couples get down to business. And while that really works on many occasions, because that’s raw passion. Seduction can — and should — also be slower, and not rushed. Reveal her body slowly and let your eyes and hands hover, brush, caress and grip places your tongue will soon follow.
Bottom line: Anticipation and appreciation go a long way.
9. Sex in public.
“The possibility of being caught or seen is a huge turn-on for me. We don’t have to have full penetration, but getting close works great. I’ve started going out without panties on so he can start things wherever we are.” — Erika D.
She might not want to actually have sex in public (getting arrested isn’t good), but the thrill of being observed is a huge turn-on for many women. After all, part of the excitement when you’re a teenager is not getting caught doing… whatever. Why would that change in adulthood?
To the guy who thinks his girl “wouldn’t be like that”: Yes, your girl is indeed very much like that.
8. Let her take control.
“I really like being in control. Not every time, but sometimes. And I don’t want to hurt him; I just want to do things to him. Things that please him, but also things that let him know he is not in control; I am.” — Karen W.
Power can be a big aphrodisiac for many people, men and women alike. And just like their male counterparts, many women want to not be on the receiving end of control. While most respondents weren’t looking for a BDSM lifestyle, over half (53%) were just as clear that they wanted their man to experience some level of submission, at least one time — tie him up, spank him, have access to all parts of him. And others (9%) were looking to have the same power as a man where it wasn’t enough for her to be on top… she wanted him on the bottom.
Bottom line: She has just as much desire as he does… and she wants the opportunity to show him.
“I love when he dresses up in his old Navy uniform. I didn’t know him then, so it makes things different, and men-in-uniform really turn me on.” —Jessie L.
“My husband has a foot fetish. When I wear stockings and heels, he loses his mind.” — Erica M.
“Maybe I’m all screwed up, but I like playing the naughty school girl (with pigtails!), and he’s the teacher who punishes me for getting my homework wrong.” — Hanna R.
Taking on a different persona can be freeing and allow for actions and thoughts to play out that in reality, you wouldn’t be able to follow-through on. By putting on a costume or assuming a different role, you can kill off inhibitions and self-conscious insecurities that prevent pleasure.
Bottom line: Assuming a new role can not only be fun, it can eliminate relationship dynamics that might stifle sexual freedom.
6. Variety of motion and movement.
“I want a combination of in-and-out with a clockwise rotation. It accesses all of me, and the top of his pelvis brushes my clit on the upward motion.” — Shanna E.
“I want his hands moving. I want him to stay touching and feeling me as he is inside me.” — Penni J.
Over 80% of respondents said that they experienced many men as oftentimes having one speed — fast — with several mentions of “BAM-BAM-BAM-BAMBAMBAM!” (Yes, seriously.) Women are looking for variety in the motions as well as the types of caresses/touches (both where it happens and the amount of pressure initiated). They want you to keep your hands, tongue and mouth engaged, and to be more adventurous with body position.
Bottom line: Women’s bodies are fun to explore. Experiment and try things as she allows. She’ll thank you later.
5. Make it all about her.
“Nothing better than a massage with slow circles on my back, and baby oil down my legs.” — Yolanda K.
“I love when he will do anything to make me come. I’m not difficult, but that he wants it so bad is awesome!” — Fran U.
“Listening to what works and what doesn’t is so great. I’m kinda complicated. He is patient and takes his time.” — Donna J.
“I want him to look at me, directly into my eyes, especially as he puts it in. OMG.” — Samantha D.
She wants to feel special. She wants to feel desired. And she might want to be spoiled, too. But let’s remember that she is also allowing another human being inside her body, and that comes with a combination of comfort, submission, and trust.
Bottom line: Take the time to make things about her, and she will more than willingly reciprocate. A little extra goes a long way.
4. Go down… now and always.
“I love when he goes down on me. Seriously. And if I get it first, it relaxes me SOOOO much and I come SOOOO hard. Then he can pretty much have his way with me.” — Joanne S.
“Going down is a really personal act. If I let him, he is really ‘in’ with me.” — Kat H.
“I like when he does it, but I like knowing that he wants to. That he wants to taste me is such a turn-on.” — Anna G.
“I want his tongue on me, in me, circling me. Hang on. I have to go lol” — Consuela H.
According to various studies, approximately 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone. That means if he’s not going down, there’s a good chance she’s not getting all she can out of the situation. If she allows him to put his tongue in the Holiest of Holies, he better not only value it, he needs to know what he’s doing, which actually means: How does she like it, when and how often.
Oral sex is a special level of intimacy. It creates a trust when you allow someone to experience your body so closely. And, that trust and allowance can provide for incredible physical and mental release and pleasure.
Bottom line: Go down. (What else is there to say?)
Find the Top Three sex tips here at YourTango