New research on female arousal says avoiding her turnoffs is just as important as hitting hot spots.
It takes the right blend of social and situational stimuli to bring a woman’s sexual systems online. Here’s how to play both sides.
1. Connect, quickly
DO THIS: First impressions, good or bad, quickly snowball, according to a 2006 MIT study. “You have to prove you have a lot in common as quickly as possible,” says Dan Ariely, Ph.D., a professor of behavioral economics and the study author. “Or it will go downhill from there.” Move fast: “Ask an open-ended question that highlights someone or something in common,” says Amy DeZellar, author of Dating Amy. Try “How do you know so-and-so”? or “Nice Bears hat–what do you think of Grossman?”
NOT THIS: Talk her head off Women want three things out of a first move: confidence, conversation, and chemistry. Hit your marks, and then peel off. “Depth, not length, builds intimacy,” says Diane Mapes, author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World.
2. Make your friends hers, too
DO THIS: Prove you’re not just on the prowl by introducing her to your friends. Circle back to your initial conversation, drop a self-effacing quip, offer a compliment, or do all three: “This is Carrie. She’s amazing. And I think she may still be recovering from my earsplitting karaoke…” Northwestern University researchers studying speed-dating behavior found that a woman’s sexual and romantic desires are most aroused when your affection is perceived as unique in some way; praising her among your friends does exactly that. “Women have a sophisticated intuition for gauging romantic interest,” says study author Paul Eastwick, Ph.D.(c). “Introducing her to your friends could show her you’re not just looking for a one-night stand.”
NOT THIS: Back her into a corner Remember that you’re confident enough not to deploy the conversational tractor beam–and you’re not just looking for a fling. Still, the connection was meaningful, and you’ll want to find a way to double back.
3. Notice her hidden talent
DO THIS: Women are most receptive to praise when it reveals insight into their uncommon personality traits, Canadian researchers found. So tailor a compliment that subtly massages her ego. If she’s a natural-born storyteller, say, “I could listen to you all night.” You’ll prove you see past her drool-inducing halter top and Wonderbra.
NOT THIS: Give weak physical praise If you must, emphasize superlatives: “You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.”
New research on female arousal says avoiding her turnoffs is just as important as hitting hot spots. It takes the right blend of social and situational stimuli to bring a woman’s sexual systems online. Here’s how to play both sides.